Understanding the Controversy: ABA and Neurodiversity-Affirming Services
Meeting Families Where They Are
When it comes to supporting neurodivergent children, the most powerful work begins with conversation and understanding. Listening to families, collaborating with professionals, and meeting everyone where they are in their journey creates a foundation for real, meaningful progress.
Families often begin their search for support feeling confused and overwhelmed. Professionals, too, may struggle to reconcile traditional approaches with newer, more affirming perspectives. The truth is…we’re all learning, and that’s okay.
Education and empathy go hand-in-hand. When we take the time to listen, provide balanced information, and offer support without judgment, families feel empowered to make informed decisions that align with their child’s needs and their family’s values.
The Bigger Conversation: ABA and Its History
Many families are first introduced to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) when seeking services after an autism diagnosis. For decades, ABA has been considered the “gold standard” for autism intervention, largely because of its structured, data-driven approach to teaching new skills and reducing what are often labeled as “challenging behaviors.”
While some families report progress through ABA, particularly when delivered by compassionate and flexible providers, a growing number of autistic individuals and professionals have raised concerns. Traditional ABA often prioritizes compliance and “normalization” over connection and self-expression, leaving many feeling invalidated or misunderstood.
This has sparked a much-needed conversation about what truly supports neurodivergent children and how we can balance structure with respect, learning with autonomy, and support with safety.
What Does Neurodiversity-Affirming Mean?
A neurodiversity-affirming approach recognizes that neurological differences such as autism, ADHD, and other developmental variations are natural parts of the human experience. Autism is not something to be “fixed” but rather understood and supported. (make sure to read my blog post on Neurodiversity)
Being neurodiversity-affirming does not mean “no structure” or “no boundaries.” Rather, it means that boundaries are collaborative, compassionate, and supportive, built on a foundation of trust and co-regulation; not fear or compliance.
Neurodiversity-affirming professionals strive to:
Understand the why behind behaviors instead of trying to eliminate them.
Support regulation before expecting learning or communication.
Foster authentic communication—spoken, gestural, AAC, or otherwise.
Create environments where children feel seen, safe, and valued.
Empower families to understand and advocate for their child’s unique strengths and needs.
It’s also important to acknowledge that a child’s level of support needs directly influences the type, frequency, and intensity of services a family may want or require. For some families, that may mean consistent, hands-on intervention and coaching; for others, it may mean consultative support or collaboration between multiple providers.
There is no single “right” level of support—just the one that helps your child feel safe, connected, and able to grow at their own pace.
The Overlooked Role of Speech and Occupational Therapy
When a child is diagnosed, many families are immediately referred to ABA programs. Unfortunately, this often overshadows the essential roles that Speech-Language Pathology (SLP) and Occupational Therapy (OT) play in a child’s development.
Speech-Language Pathologists support all forms of communication—not just spoken language. They understand language development, including gestalt language processing, and help children use language meaningfully through natural interaction, AAC, and play.
Occupational Therapists address sensory regulation, fine-motor development, and self-care skills. They help children navigate their sensory worlds so they can participate more comfortably in daily life.
When these services are provided through a neurodiversity-affirming lens, they go beyond “fixing” behaviors to build connection, confidence, and communication. These therapies support the whole child—and when combined with parent education and teamwork, they help families see steady, sustainable progress.
Choosing the Right Support for Your Family
Finding the right fit for your child is personal, and it’s okay if your path looks different from someone else’s. You can blend structure with compassion and still have boundaries grounded in connection rather than control.
When exploring therapy options, consider asking:
Does this approach help my child feel safe and respected?
Are sensory and communication needs being addressed?
Are therapists collaborating and consistent across settings?
Are goals built around connection, not compliance?
Is my child’s individual level of support need reflected in the plan?
Remember—progress should never come at the expense of a child’s emotional well-being.
Moving Forward, Together
The discussion between ABA and neurodiversity-affirming services shouldn’t divide us; it should guide us toward balance, compassion, and better understanding. Families deserve access to services that educate, empower, and evolve alongside their children.
By working together-families, Speech-Language Pathologists, Occupational Therapists, educators, and even behavior professionals-we can move toward a model of care that celebrates neurodiversity, supports regulation and communication, and nurtures every child’s ability to thrive in their own way.
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